Lost
by avengersgal27
Summary: Nick thought he was ok with leaving Jess. But then why does it hurt so much to hear her cry? - Jess thought Nick would stay. He won't. Why does it hurt so much?
1. She finds out

"I'm moving in with Caroline." The words ring in my ears as Nick moves past me out of the bathroom. I stand there is shock. He's leaving. Nick's leaving. My eyes burn. I turn and close the door. Nick's leaving. I murmur those words quietly as I slide to the floor. I'm trying so hard not to cry. To shut down. No, screw that. I want to go storm across the hall to Nick's room and scream in his face. Scream at him for leaving me. Scream at him for not caring. Scream at him for letting me love him while he never even cared about me. But I don't do any of that. Instead, I sit on the floor of the bathroom and sob huge racking sobs, my chest heaving. My world feels like it's falling apart. I put my face in my hands and sob loudly. I don't care if anyone hears. I just sit there and cry, my chest hurting and my eyes hurting, and my heart hurting. Eventually, after I don't know how long, I get up. I'm still sobbing, but the floor is cold. So I try to silently cry as I make my way to the kitchen to get some water. I walk past Winston and Schmidt, who stare at me as I walk by. I look at their confused faces. They don't know. They don't know he's leaving. And suddenly I start seeing red. " He's leaving!" I scream. The guys stare at me. I sob. "He's leaving. Guess I was the first to know, huh?" I begin to laugh hysterically. Winston and Schmidt are staring at me, their eyes full of shock and pity. I just stand there, feeling like and idiot and sobbing. "Jess…" Schmidt says slowly. He gets up, moves towards me. But I'm not ready for his pity. I turn and run to my room. I lock the door and collapse on my bed in tears, punching my pillow, grabbing it and sobbing into it all at the same time. I'm lost. So, so lost.

As I pass Jess I can see the hurt in her eyes. I try to ignore how that hurt tugs at my heartstrings. I try to ignore the urge to turn around, hug her tightly, and tell her I'll never, ever leave. I make it to my room and leave the door open a crack, so I can hear what's going on. I can hear Jess sobbing. With every sob the pain in my chest increases. I just want her to stop crying. Then I hear the door to the bathroom open, Jess still sobbing quietly as she heads towards the kitchen. Then nothing, silence. Then Jess screams out "He's leaving!" and I can hear the pain so clearly in her voice. "He's leaving! Guess I was the first to know, huh?" I can hear her laughing. But it's a laugh that makes my stomach twist. I hear Schmidt quietly say her name. I hear her turning and running from him, to her room. I hear her sobbing, again. And I put my head in my hands. What have I done? I'm lost. So, so lost.


	2. Better for who?

Lost Chapter 2

"But thanks for saying that stuff though." That's all I get. I pour my heart out to him, and that's all I get. I can't believe it. How much more insensitive can you get? I hate him right now. He's such an ass! Now, if only I could say that to his face. As I'm contemplating going out there and telling him what I think about him, Nick comes bursting into my room. "Look Jess…" He starts and then he stops when he sees my face. I stand up. "No, Nick, you look. You are such an asshole! I poured my heart out to you and all I get is a thanks? That hurts Nick! It really,_ really_ hurts." Hurt shows in his eyes, but I'm not done. "You… you crushed my heart, Nick." I begin to sob again. He engulfs me in a hug. "I just… I don't want you to go!" I sob into his chest. "I know, I know… It's going to be ok Jess. I promise." He murmurs. I don't believe him for a second. It's not going to be ok, never again. Not once he leaves. But Im just to tired to argue anymore and begin to fall asleep in his arms. His strong, plaid clad, arms. The arms I've come to admire as they "fix" things. The arms that hold me tight when I'm hurting. But then I remember that those arms aren't going to be there the next time something needs to get fixed, or the next time I have a bad day. And that thought makes me cling to Nick, my half asleep mind telling me that's going to be enough to keep him from leaving.

**_New Girl_**

Jess's latches onto me as she falls asleep. I look at her sweet face, and know I never want to leave. But its better this way, I think, as I gently loosen Jess's grip on my shirt and stand. She stirs and cry's out, grasping the air in front of her rapidly. Tears begin to stream down her face. She thrashes about on her bed, her face twisting in agony as she cry's out my name. Her voice is strangled and panicked. I can't take it. I turn and sprint from her room, grabbing my bags from my room and running out the door. I don't know where I'm going, but I know I can't be there when Jess wakes up in the morning. As I drive away from my friends and my life, I finally let myself feel. My chest fills with pain and I pull over to the side of the road. Then, and only then, do I let myself cry. I bang my head into the steering wheel and think about what I thought earlier. It's better this way. But, better for who?


	3. Nightmare

**Note: This chapter is rated T due to mild cursing towards the end. But, enjoy! =)**

Lost Chapter 3

Jess's POV

I'm running, running through the cloud of grey, searching. He's calling my name, his voice is so close. But I can't find him. Then he's there in front of me. He gives me a gentle smile, and then turns and begins to walk away. I try to go after him. I call his name; tears are running down my face. I can't move. All I can do is scream, beg. Beg him to stay. But he just keeps walking further and further away. And finally, when I can barely see him anymore, another person joins him, and they start making out. Caroline. The she-devil turns to me and gives me an evil grin. I growl at her, I scream at her. But she just turns back to Nick and kisses him again. I can't take it. I fall to my knees in tears, sobbing Nicks name. The pain overwhelms me and I'm plunged into darkness.

NG

Still Jess's POV

"Jess! Jess!" I hear a voice. Someone is shaking me. Schmidt. My eyes fly open as tears continue to run down my face. Nick is gone, I know it. I turn to Schmidt, burying my head in his shoulder as I sob. " He's gone…" I sob over and over. Schmidt doesn't say anything. He just holds me. I don't how long I cry. And when I stop crying, its not because I'm done. The river of tears hasn't dried up. Oh no, far from it. I've just built a dam. Schmidt looks at me sadly as I crawl out of my bed. I know I look horrible, but I honestly don't give a fuck. Why should I care? He's gone. Nothing really matters anymore. I stumble into the living room and start Dirty Dancing. And I cry. And cry. And I just _can't stop_. I feel someone settle in beside me on the couch. Cece. She pauses the movie and talks to me soothingly as I cry, curse, and sing. I just don't know what to do anymore. I tell her about my nightmare. Then I cry some more. Then suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Schmidt hurry's to open it, but keeps it closed enough I can't see who it is. He quickly runs into the bathroom, and back to the door, with a bottle of shampoo now in his hand. He flings the door open wide, and guess who's there in the doorway? That's right, Nick! I feel tears running down my face as I stare numbly at him. His eyes widen as he stares at me. He quickly grabs the bottle of shampoo from Schmidt, mumbling a thanks. Then he turns, and slowly begins to walk down the hallway to the elevator. I shudder as I remember my nightmare. And I hope… Oh no. Caroline meets him near the elevator. She kisses him. Then she turns to me, and smirks. I feel Cece jump up from her place beside me on the couch, and watch silently as she storms down the hallway. And grabs Caroline. And punches her in the face. At this point I bury my head in a pillow, but I can still hear Cece screaming at Caroline. Then she begins to scream at Nick. And no one stops her. Because they know what she's doing is right. And neither Winston, Schmidt, or I have the guts to do it. So we let Cece do it. And that's fine. I secretly smile as I hear the door to the apartment slam. Nicks left. I bet he's upset. Good. The bastard deserves to get hurt.


End file.
